


no point in running away

by jj_blues



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Damian Wayne is a Brat, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Dimension Travel, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Humor, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves That Ass, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25529035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jj_blues/pseuds/jj_blues
Summary: With a loud cry, the Antichrist leapt across the table, tackling Tim out of his chair. They rolled around the floor, punching, kicking, and - holy shit, did the brat just bite his brother's arm?! Jesus Christ on a cracker. And Klaus thoughthisfamily was dysfunctional.or; Klaus messes with the briefcase, and lands in the middle of Dick Grayson's apartment.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Cassandra Cain & Klaus Hargreeves, Dick Grayson & Klaus Hargreeves, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Stephanie Brown & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 242
Kudos: 921





	1. Chapter 1

He opened his eyes to a very nice view of a very nice ass in tight dark jeans bent over...something. A table, maybe? Klaus sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was on a couch. He was in an apartment. Did he die? Was he dreaming? Is this heaven? 

He must've made some sort of noise, because the nice ass turned around, and - oh. Okay, not only did Mr Nice Ass have a very nice ass, but he also had a very nice face. 

“Good, you're awake.” Of course, he had to have a very nice voice to go along with that very nice ass. And now that Klaus’ vision had focused, Mr Nice Ass had a very nice body, too. Maybe Klaus _did_ die and go to heaven. 

He almost snorted at the thought. "Where am I?" 

"Blüdhaven, in my apartment,” Mr Nice Ass said, padding towards the couch to probably get a closer look at him. Damn, so Klaus hadn’t died and gone heaven. But Mr Nice Ass did look like an angel, so… close enough, he guessed. “You were already on the couch when I woke up, which means you must’ve stumbled inside my apartment sometime in the early morning. Dunno how it happened, considering I locked the door, but..." 

Klaus’ eyes widened. "And you didn't kick me out?" 

An embarrassed expression crossed Mr Nice Ass’s face. "You didn't look dangerous." 

"Oh, I see.” Klaus crossed his arms over his chest. Was the guy for real? He found a stranger sleeping on his couch, and he didn’t kick him out, arm himself with something, or just… just…do something about it because he didn’t look dangerous? Great thinking, right there. If only he knew how dangerous Klaus actually was – oh, wait. 

He wasn’t dangerous. That’s Five’s job. 

Five, who he’d thought was dead all this time, only to come back with some half-crazed goal to stop the apocalypse or whatever, who still acted like a brat for someone who was supposed to be an old man who survived the apocalypse. Or whatever. 

And speaking of Five, Klaus didn’t think he was as sane as he pretended to be. He had a mannequin for a… wife, for fuck’s sake. Or was it a girlfriend? Not that Klaus judged him. Dolores was awesome. _She_ didn’t care about his clothes and his habits and his – 

Klaus shook his head. He forced himself to shove the thought in the back of his mind. No way was he gonna keep on thinking about his brother and his brother’s significant other mannequin while he was sitting inside the apartment of a gorgeous guy. “That's how people like you get robbed, you know. They don't kick strangers out of their apartment because they don't look dangerous - wait." He squinted up at him. "Did you say Blüdhaven?" 

"Yeah, Blüdhaven," Mr Nice Ass said. Klaus continued to stare. "Y'know, The Blüd? The Devil's Tongue? In New Jersey?" 

"Like, New Jersey, USA?" 

"Yeah?" Mr Nice Ass gave him a look which seemed to say something like, _where else_? 

Okay, rude. And was he messing with him? Because as far as Klaus was concerned, there was _no_ Blüdhaven, The Blüd, or The Devil's Tongue in New Jersey. 

“There’s no Blüdhaven in New Jersey,” he said. 

Mr Nice Ass arched a brow. “Uh, there is?” 

Klaus crossed his arms over his chest. “Prove it.” 

Mr Nice Ass gave him a confused look as he took out his phone. Klaus paid it no mind. He was used to those looks, thank you very much. Mr Nice Ass typed something on his phone. “Here.” 

Klaus took the phone. He stared at the screen. His jaw dropped. Oh, shit. It was right there. Blüdhaven. On Google Maps. 

Where was he? Is this for real? There wasn’t a Blüdhaven in New Jersey, right? But…Google Maps doesn’t lie. It’s right there. 

Klaus groaned, flopping back down on the couch. 

“Dude, are you okay?” Mr Nice Ass’s face swam into his vision. He had really pretty blue eyes. 

“I’m fine.” Klaus waved him off. “Don't mind me. Just fine. There's nothing to worry about.” 

Mr Nice Ass didn’t seem to believe it, but he didn’t press the subject, either. That’s good. Klaus could wallow in his crisis in peace. Because what the _fuck_ was happening? The last thing he remembered were those professional-looking people in suits torturing him. That woman, and her partner. Torturing him for…days? Weeks? Months? Eh, whatever. Important thing is, he escaped, no thanks to his siblings who probably didn’t even notice he was gone. Thank fuck the ghosts were there, and he’d managed to steal the briefcase before he’d escaped from that damn hellhole – 

Klaus' eyes widened. He scrambled to sit up again. 

Oh, fuck. The briefcase. Where was the briefcase… 

He glanced around the apartment. It wasn’t on the couch. Wasn’t beside Mr Nice Ass. Wasn’t anywhere on the floor. Wasn’t on the table – 

“What are you looking for?” 

“Um.” Klaus chewed on his bottom lip. Was he gonna tell him? No, wait. The better question would be: would Mr Nice Ass not chuck him over to the cops once he told him? Would he even believe Klaus if he told him? 

On one hand, Mr Nice Ass seemed friendly, and he didn’t kick him out of his apartment when common sense dictated he should have, so maybe he’d believe Klaus if he told him he was from – what, a different dimension? Because it was the only plausible explanation. How else could there be a Blüdhaven in New Jersey? Besides, enough crap had happened in his life for him to believe dimension-travel was possible. _But_ on the other hand… On the other hand, Klaus himself would definitely call the cops if someone like him claimed they were from a different dimension. 

And the briefcase… Christ, the briefcase. How was he supposed to know it was a dimension-travelling machine? 

“Are you going to tell me how you were able to enter my apartment?” Mr Nice Ass’s voice snapped him back to reality. He still sounded friendly, but there was an edge to his voice that made an uncomfortable feeling pool in the bottom of Klaus’ stomach. Oh, well. It was nice to know Mr Nice Ass wasn’t just a nice ass. “Because I double-checked all the doors, and windows. They were locked.” 

“Yeah, about that.” Klaus forced a laugh despite the loud pounding of his heart against his ribcage. “Do you know anything about dimension travel?” 


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay," Mr Nice Ass said. _"Okay."_

Klaus stared at him nervously. "Okay?" 

Mr Nice Ass took a deep breath, like he was resisting he urge to pinch the bridge of his nose, before he plastered an obviously fake smile on his face. "Okay. Y'know what? Why don't we have some breakfast first?" 

Klaus' jaw dropped. Breakfast? Did Mr Nice Ass just offer him breakfast _instead_ of calling the cops...? Jesus Christ on a cracker, what kind of world was this? 

Still unable to believe his luck, he got to his feet. He followed Mr Nice Ass to the kitchen, subtly checking out the very nice ass in front of him every few seconds. He definitely has got to get himself a man with an ass like that when he got back. 

(Though, he thought he might've have heard Mr Nice Ass mutter, "Why the hell do these things always happen to me? It's way too early for this shit. _And_ it's a Saturday!" but - nah, he might've been imagining it.) 

He plopped down the barstool, and watched Mr Nice Ass rummage through the shelves. On more than one occasion, his shirt rode up, giving Klaus a very nice view of his lower back - which was a very nice view indeed. 

"So." 

He blinked. Mr Nice Ass had set down two bowls, two spoons, a carton of milk, and a box of Frosted Flakes on the counter. He straightened up, quickly flashing Mr Nice Ass his best (the one where his cellmates confirmed he almost didn't look like an insane druggie) smile. He was a guest here, after all. "Yes?" 

"Dimension travel." Mr Nice Ass sat down from across him. 

"Ye-es?" Klaus repeated. Fuck, he really didn't like where this was going. Maybe he should've just kept his mouth shut earlier. 

"Did you piss off someone magical, or was it a dimension-travelling device?" 

It took a moment for the question to sink in. "What? Wait, no. The second one. _Definitely_ the second one. But - " Klaus raised his hand, "I also want to ask a question. Is dimension-travel a thing here? Because you - " he said, picking up the box of Frosted Flakes, " - and I guess I should be thanking you for it - didn't call the cops on me, so I was wondering if it's a thing here. Or not." 

"It's a thing here," Mr Nice Ass said.

Klaus nodded. "Okay. Good to know. Can we talk about me later?" 

"Sure, uh - " Mr Nice Ass trailed off with a sheepish grin, like he couldn't believe he offered his guest breakfast before asking for his name. 

Klaus set down the Frosted Flakes. "Klaus. Call me Klaus, Mr Nice Ass." 

"Really?" Mr Nice Ass deadpanned, but Klaus could hear the laughter in his voice. 

"What? It's true!" 

And Mr Nice Ass actually did laugh. "I know." He gave a conspiratorial wink. Klaus wasn't ashamed to admit he nearly swooned on his cereal. "My name's Richard Grayson, but you can call me Dick." 

Klaus' brain perked up at the information. "Oh, really?" 

"Really." Mr Nice Ass - Dick - nodded with a seriousness Klaus knew just _had_ to be fake. Heh. He was liking Mr Nice Ass every sixty seconds he spent with him. "So. Tell me about yourself?" 

_Jesus Christ_ , this was beginning to look very much like a date. Or, if he was being more accurate, a post-morning one night stand gone right. Nonetheless, he hurriedly finished pouring the milk on his Frosted Flakes because he didn't want to keep Mr Dick Grayson waiting. 

"Okay." He held up three fingers. "Three things you should know about me. _Eins_ : I can speak German. _Zwei_ : I have six siblings. _Drei_ : I'm fabulous." He put down his hand. Then he leaned forward, and made a show of fluttering his lashes at Dick. "What about you?" 

Dick, to his credit, looked like he was biting back a laugh. "Okay, you got me there. What do you wanna know about me, Mr Klaus - ?" 

For a split-second, Klaus debated on telling him. Dick didn't look untrustworthy; in fact, something about him screamed the exact opposite. Maybe it was his hotness. Or his face. Or the ass. Besides, maybe he'd even know something about the Academy. "Hargreeves." 

But Dick's expression didn't change. So maybe the Academy doesn't exist here...? "Hargreeves. Again, what do you wanna know about me?" 

"Are you gay?" Klaus blurted out. "Please say yes." 

And Dick must've been asked that loads of times, because he only laughed (again). "For the record, I'm pan." 

Klaus placed a hand on his chest. He could die peacefully now. 

"I also have siblings," Dick said, shoving a spoonful of Frosted Flakes in his mouth. "And I'm Romani. Plus, I'm pretty fabulous, too, if I do say so myself." 

"I know." Klaus nodded. "I mean, have you _seen_ your ass? It's..." 

Dick made a face. "Please don't say bootylicious. I've had enough of my brothers teasing me for it." 

Klaus grinned at him. "I was going to say it's such a - what do they call it? A bubble butt? But I guess bootylicious works better." 

Dick's expression turned horrified. "I can't believe you'd say that - " 

"Sorry, not sorry, _Herr_ Grayson." 

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Klaus alternated glancing between Dick, and his Frosted Flakes. Internally asked himself whether he should bring up the dimension-travel thing now, or wait for Dick to bring it up - 

Dick cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something? Do superheroes exist there?" 

It took another moment for Klaus to process the question. "Yes...?" 

Technically, they had been heroes, and they weren't dead _yet_ , so. 

Dick looked delighted. "Really? Like, Superman? Wonder Woman? Batman?" 

Superman? Wonder Woman? _Bat _man? "Who?"__

__That one word appeared to make Dick's shoulders slump. "So they don't exist in your world? They're, like, the best heroes here. But nevermind. What about you? I mean, like. Tell me 'bout your heroes?"_ _

__"Oh, you know." Klaus gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "Just the usual. We have Spaceboy. The Kraken. The Rumor. The Séance." He shoved another spoonful of cereal into his mouth._ _

__"Sounds cool." Dick seemed to pick up on the fact he wasn't willing to talk about it, because he immediately said, "So, about the siblings you mentioned? Do they drive you crazy, too?"_ _


	3. Chapter 3

_Crazy_ was an understatement. 

Klaus didn't dislike his siblings, per se, but he wasn't really on very good terms with them, either. 

"We could trade stories," Dick said, a half-grin quirking on the corners of his lips. And how could he say no to that grin? 

(Answer: Klaus couldn't say no to that grin. Oh, God. Was he falling in love? Is this how it felt like to fall in love?) 

But he couldn't tell Dick about the Academy. It'd only lead to more questions. Maybe could tell him a few, stories, but he'd have to make up a lot of details. Tell him Pogo was just an ordinary butler. Definitely no mention of their powers. Which left...not a lot of stories to tell. 

"Okay," he finally said. "I have one. When we were younger." Before Ben died. His heart squeezed at the reminder, but he ignored it. 

Dick leaned forward. The eager look on his face made the pain in Klaus' chest lessen a little. "Go on." 

"So I have four brothers - Luther, Diego, Five, and Ben, and two sisters - Allison and Vanya." If Dick found Five's name weird, he didn't say anything. "I was, like, somewhat close to Ben. And one day, we were bored. So we decided to rate our siblings' hotness. And braincell count. Add the braincells to their hotness. Make a list about it." 

"No way." Dick smothered his laughter with his hand. "For real?" 

"Yep." Klaus grinned at him. "And it gets better. See, us siblings aren't really that close with each other. Like, we're civil, that's probably about it. So Ben, and me - we're both obviously tens. Each. Ten on the hotness scale. Ten braincells. Vanya's our quiet sister, but she has common sense. I think. So four braincells. And she has this emo-ish vibe going for her, but it suits her - which is a three on the hotness level. So, she's a seven." He smirked at the inside joke. 

"A seven?" 

"Yes, sir. My other sister, Allison, is the opposite of Vanya - sociable, outgoing, blah, blah, blah, _and_ she's gorgeous. I say this as a proud pansexual who appreciates all sorts of beauty. So, four braincells, and four on the hotness scale. In short, an eight. Diego's hot-headed, but he's also _hot_ , so we gave him a nine. No, you can't ask about his braincell count. Five definitely has six braincells, and he's okay-looking if you're into sarcastic kids with sticks up their asses, so he's a seven. And as for Luther... well, we gave Luther a zero on the hotness scale _and_ the braincell count because we don't like him." 

"But is he cute?" Dick said, chin propped up on his palm. 

Klaus barked out a laugh. "Asking the real questions around here, eh, _Herr_ Grayson?" 

"You know me," Dick said. Damn, he's good. 

"Luthor's not bad to look at, actually," Klaus said. "But then he found our list, and told our dad. Which further enforced our theory that he has zero braincells." 

"Don't you think you were being a bit too mean? I mean, it wasn't not funny, but..." 

Klaus pretended to examine his fingernails. "He got over it." 

"Really?" 

He made a show of thinking about it. "May-be?" 

"Oh my God." Dick shook his head, but he was also smiling. Christ, he must be one of those types who doted on their younger siblings. Unfortunately for him, Klaus wasn't really the doting older brother type. Wait, no. Actually, he was, but he doesn't have any younger siblings to dote upon. Except for maybe Five now (and _Gott_ , he still can't believe little Number Five's back), but look how well _that_ turned out. 

"Okay, so I guess it's my turn?" Dick said. He straightened up. "I have four siblings. Three brothers - Jason, Tim, and Dami, and a sister - Cass. And a sorta-sister, Steph. We were going to a resort in Palau. It was just - last year, I think? 'Cause Damian still wasn't that close to the family yet. Anyway, we went to the resort. All of us except Bruce - our dad - decided to go for a midnight swim. Apparently, the cove we went to had, like, lots of sea snakes. And Damian - he's our youngest - likes animals, but hated Tim at that time, so you can see where this is going." 

"He threw a sea snake at Tim?" 

"Worse," Dick said. "The brat _snuck_ five sea snakes back with him without any of us noticing. Obviously, we woke up to a lot of screaming and cursing. But you gotta know that Tim's a good kid if you don't start something with him, but Damian started something with him, and Tim intended to finish it. Jay's words, not mine. So long story short, there's now a dozen cottages in a resort in Palau named after us. No, we still don't know how Dami snuck the sea snakes back to our room." 

They continued swapping stories until Klaus asked Dick to give him a rundown of this world. 

Turns out they had a gazilion new cities, and those cities had, like, superheroes to protect them. Or something. And there were also frequent alien invasions. And they had a group of superheroes called the Justice League of America. And the Justice League International. And the Justice League Dark. And the Justice Society of America. And the Teen Titans, the Titans, a now-defunct group called Young Justice, etc, etc. Superheroes were apparently big here. 

"Question." Klaus raised his hand. "Who's your favorite hero?" 

"Superman, of course," Dick said without hesitation. 

"He's the one with the muscles I want to squeeze, right?" Klaus said, referring to the photos Dick had showed him on his phone. 

"Yep!" 

"Another question. But it's not related to Superman. Did I have a little - just a teeny tiny bit, actually - " Klaus emphasized the teeny tiny bit with his fingers, like it needed explaining, " - of blood on me when you found me on your couch? And was I wearing pants the whole time?" 

Because he distinctly remembered wearing a towel matted with blood when he escaped. Someone up there must have really loved him if they cleaned him up before dumping him inside the apartment. 

Meanwhile, Dick's forehead had creased into a frown. "One, no. Two, yes. Three, why?" 

Huh. So someone up there really did love him. But Dick was still frowning. In response, Klaus gave him a lopsided grin. "To answer your question, I...purposely smashed a snowglobe on my head?" 

"What? _Why?_ " 

Okay, he didn't mean to lie. And it wasn't _technically_ a lie. He was pretty sure he still got the cuts from the snowglobe incident. But like hell was he gonna tell Dick that he was tortured by a bunch of psychos in suits. He wasn't ready to be interrogated. Nor did he need Dick's pity. 

"Because I was helping Five threaten someone?" 

Dick leaned back and gave a nod. "Fair enough. But Klaus, about your dimension-travelling device." He chewed on his bottom lip. Hot. "What was it?" 

"Um." Klaus shoved all thoughts of innapropriate thoughts of Dick (heh) in the back of his mind. “A briefcase.” 

"Okay. Where is it?" 

"Ah." Klaus nodded. "I might've...lost it?" 

"Right." Dick said, like people losing their dimension-travelling devices were a normal thing. He didn't even bat an eye. Did _anything_ even suprise him? "I think… I think I know someone who might be able to help us."


	4. Chapter 4

The ride to Gotham was surreal. _Gotham_ was surreal. In fact, the morning itself was surreal. He was going to meet Dick's family, and he hadn't even known Dick for twenty-four hours yet. 

It was all so fucking surreal. 

Scratch that. His whole fucking life was surreal, so he should've probably been used to this. 

Wayne Manor was like the Academy in the sense that it looked old. And the butler - Alfred - was exactly how Klaus imagined him to be. 

_"Alfred!" Dick skipped past Klaus to pull Alfred into a hug. "I've missed you!"_

_The butler's wrinkled face had relaxed into a smile, reminding Klaus of a grandfather who was happy that his grandson had dropped by for a visit. "Likewise, Master Dick." He patted Dick on the shoulder, before pulling away to turn his attention to Klaus. "And you must be the young gentleman Master Dick had talked about."_

_Klaus subconsciously straightened up. He gave Alfred his second-best smile. (The one he reserved for old people.) "My name is Klaus Hargreeves. Nice to meet you, Mr Pennyworth."_

_Ha, seemed like the drugs didn't quite manage to wipe away all the manners their dear ol' dad had forced upon them. Old-money etiquette sucks, but Klaus had to admit it had its advantages._

_"And I, you," the butler said. "I assume you're looking for Master Bruce?"_

_Klaus nodded._

_"Master Bruce is currently in his study."_

_"And Jay, and the others?" Dick said._

_"Master Jason is somewhere in the Manor. Master Tim is in San Francisco, and Master Damian has went out to buy some art supplies, but he'll be back in time for dinner."_

_"Noted. Thanks, Alfie!"_

_After waving good-bye at the obviously amused butler, Klaus allowed himself to be dragged along by Dick._

_"So," Dick said. "Who'd you wanna see first? Jay, or Bruce?"_

Weirdly enough, Jason reminded him of Diego. Something about the way he carried himself. And the outfit. And his overall vibe.

_"So you're the dimension-traveler." Jason's gaze flickered down his body. "Huh." A surprised look crossed his face. "You're a junkie, aren't you?"_

_"Jason!" Dick said in a scandalized tone._

_While Klaus appreciated his knight-in-shining-armor defending his honor, he knew Jason meant no offense. Though he could've probably could've worded it better. "I've been clean for three months, but thanks for asking."_

_Jason crossed his arms over his chest. "Good for you. No drugs while you're here, pretty boy. Or ever again, for that matter. Look, my best friend - he shot himself up, and it ain't great, I tell ya. So, there." Then, "Nice nails, by the way."_

_Klaus blinked at the unexpected compliment. Huh. It sounded...sincere, not insulting. So Jason might look and act like a hardass vigilante, but he was actually a softie underneath. Like a certain hardass vigilante Klaus knew. Who would've thought?_

Bruce Wayne, however... 

_The moment they stepped inside the study, Klaus' gaze had immediately zeroed in on the gorgeous man behind the desk._

__Verdammt._ _

_He had to resist the urge to fan himself as Bruce Wayne rose to his feet. He knew the guy was hot (Dick had shown him the pictures), but nobody told him he was even hotter in person._

_(...Dick's still cuter, though.)_

_"Bruce!"_

_Like Alfred, Dick leapt forward to pull his father into a hug. Bruce squeezed back, then pulled away from the hug to look at Klaus._

_"You're the dimension-traveler?"_

_For the second time in ten seconds, Klaus almost gave in to the temptation to fan himself because _that voice_. Wait, Bruce had just asked him a question. He lifted his chin to look at the man in the eye. " _Ja_. Sir," he added. _

_"Call me Bruce, please." Bruce flashed him a warm smile worthy enough to rival Allison's at the MET Gala. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Hargreeves. Now, Dick told me all about the situation..."_

Klaus fiddled with the rings on his fingers as he waited for Dick, Bruce, and Jason to emerge from the study. 

About fifteen minutes later, the door opened. Dick stepped out, Bruce, and Jason trailing after him. 

Bruce cleared his throat. "The good news is, my connections would be more than willing to help us locate the briefcase. _But_ it will probably take months, depending on how available they are outside of their own schedules. In the meantime, you can stay at Blüdhaven with Dick." He glanced at his watch. "I have a meeting with Lucius in fifteen minutes. I'll see you three next Sunday for lunch." 

"It's a Saturday! Why would you have a meeting on a Saturday?" Jason said. "And you never said anything about the lunch part before!" 

But Bruce merely shut the door behind him. 

"So." Klaus turned to Dick. "About your dad - " 

"Please don't," Dick said at the same time as Jason said, "Fuck's sake, if you're gonna say what I think you're gonna say, then I swear to God - " 

Klaus smothered a cackle behind his hand. "Don't worry, I still think you're both cuter than him. Especially you, _Herr_ Grayson." 

_ 

Bruce stared at him, arms crossed over his chest. "Really, Dick? Really?" 

Dick threw his hands into the air. "I couldn't have just kicked him out! We're in Blüdhaven! And c'mon, it's not like this is any different than your literal adopting spree." 

"He's got a point there," Jason said. Dick shot his brother a grateful smile. "'Sides, I don't know why the hell you're even worrying, old man. Klaus seems harmless." 

"He's _not_ harmless." A vein was throbbing in Bruce's temple. "There's something...off about him." 

Dick exchanged an incredulous look with Jason. 

As if reading his mind, Jason turned his attention back to Bruce. "Okay, let's say your paranoid ass is right, and Klaus _is_ dangerous - " 

"I never said he was dangerous - " 

"You were implying it, B." Dick resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose at his dad's narrowed gaze. "Look, I can handle him if things ever go south, okay?" 

Bruce was silent for a moment. "Fine," he finally said. 

Dick managed a weak grin. "Thanks for worrying about me, though." 

Bruce heaved an exasperated sigh. "You're my kid, Dick. I can't _not_ worry about you." 

"Only Dickiebird?" Jason clicked his tongue. Dick had to bite back a grin at the grave mock-disappointment in his brother's voice. Now he realized Klaus wasn't as dramatic as Jason; it was actually the other way around. "Y'know, B, I'm really startin' to agree with Timmy that Dickie _is_ your favorite - " 

"It's Cass, actually," Bruce said. "She's always been my favorite. And don't think I didn't see the gun you sneaked inside the Manor - "


	5. Chapter 5

Klaus woke up wanting to piss.

What time was it? He glanced out of the window. Probably around midnight. 

Stiffling a yawn behind his hand, he swung his legs off the couch. He stumbled towards the bathroom, then stopped. Wait. He had to tell Dick he was going to use the bathroom first. It was only polite. He nodded to himself, and changed direction to Dick's bedroom. 

He raised his hand to knock on the door. "Dick? Can I use your bathroom. I have to piss." 

No response. Eh, not like he expected one, but at least he asked, right? He still had to piss. 

He continued on his way to the bathroom. Once he was done with his business, he returned to Dick's room. 

Stiffling another yawn, Klaus raised a fist to knock on the door for a second time. "I used your bathroom. Loved the curtains. The flowers were a nice touch." Still no response. Come to think of it, he couldn't hear anything from inside the room. Frowning, he pressed his ear against the wood. 

Silence. Dead silence. Was the fan turned off? Did Dick sleep ~~naked~~ with the fan turned off? 

Against his better judgement, Klaus reached for the knob. Slowly, very slowly, he opened the door. 

And peeked inside. 

The fan was turned off. His gaze flickered to the bed. 

It was empty. 

The bottom dropped from his stomach. Abandoning all pretense of being sneaky, he rushed inside the room. 

Fuck. Dick really wasn't here. But - 

He left his phone on his bedside table. Heartbeat ringing in his ears, Klaus snatched up the device. The battery was still at fifty-four percent. 

Maybe... Maybe Dick just went out for a midnight walk? Maybe he went out to buy something from the convenience store at the corner? 

But this was Blüdhaven. Dick said people didn't wander the streets at night unless they want to be mugged. Or worse. 

What exactly was _worse_? Kidnapped? The thought had planted itself in his mind before he could stop it. But Dick couldn't have been kidnapped. Klaus would have heard the noise. He'd have been woken up. Besides, there were no signs of a struggle. Surely Dick would've at least yelled for help. Or tried to fight off the kidnappers. Right? 

Klaus sank on the bed. With shaking fingers, he looked up Bruce's contact number. Pressed call. Maybe Bruce would know where Dick was - 

The call went to voicemail. He swallowed, fingers tightening around the phone. He searched for Jason's number. Pressed call. Voicemail. 

Once. Twice. Three times. Voicemails on both Bruce's and Jason's ends. 

Okay. They were probably asleep. It was probably past twelve by now, so. He had to stay calm. And he had to find Dick. Because Dick was… 

Gone. Gone where, exactly? It was the middle of the night. So either he did go for a walk, or was - 

Of course, his brain immediately reeled with the worst-case scenario. But Dick wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. He had to believe Dick was kidnapped, and not lying dead in a ditch somewhere. 

Christ, what would he tell Bruce? And Jason? And Alfred, oh my God, _Alfred_. 

Wait. Dick was safe. He had to be safe. Because they had heroes here, too, didn't they? Real heroes with powers who could very well have stopped a fucking kidnapping. Dick said Superman could hear the people's cries for help, so maybe Superman was on his way to save him right now. Right? 

So maybe… Maybe Dick was currently being saved by heroes, and Klaus was worrying for nothing. Yeah. Maybe when he woke up, Dick would be back in the apartment, safe and sound, because Superman, or Wonder Woman, or Batman - wait, not Batman, Batman was based in Gotham - or even one of the other heroes had saved him. 

Klaus nodded to himself. Maybe he should just go back to sleep. Maybe he was just fucking overthinking again. Christ, he'd stopped doing drugs a while ago, so why the fuck was he still overthinking for? But overthinking wasn't a side-effect of meth, was it? Or heroin? Maybe this was a side-effect of dimension-travel - 

Fuck's sake, he had to get a grip. If Dick wasn't back by tomorrow, he had to call Bruce. Or Alfred. Then tell the cops. Tomorrow. File a missing person report or something. But...maybe it'd be too late by then. Maybe they'd find Dick's body in the dump. Or somewhere in the streets. Maybe they'd never find Dick's body. 

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to shove the thought out of his mind. He placed the phone back on the bedside table, and flopped down the bed. 

God, he knew everything was too good to be true. Landing in the apartment of a very handsome man with a very nice ass was too good to be true. These things - good things - just didn't happen to him. They didn't happen to him without some sort of fucking consequence. 

Ugh, maybe he shouldn't have tried to turn his life around. He shouldn't have stopped with the drugs. Drugs were safe. They didn't cause him (much) problems. 

No, wait. He shouldn't have turned up in the fucking funeral in the first place. Reginald wasn't even a good father to him. To any of them. Fuck the Academy. Maybe he really shouldn't have gone to the funeral, because then he wouldn't have been kidnapped, and he wouldn't be here worrying about some handsome man whose ass he would die for possibly having been kidnapped. 

Seriously, what the fuck would the kidnappers even want? Ransom money? Jesus Christ, Klaus didn't even _have_ a wallet. 

He groaned, grabbing the nearest pillow to bury his face in it. But a sudden movement from the corner of his eye had him freezing in place. Slowly, he sat up, and turned his gaze towards - 

His breath caught in his throat. "Ben!" He scrambled to his feet. "Oh, thank God you're here - " 

"Really," Ben said. His voice almost made Klaus want to cry in relief. It _was_ Ben. "Then why didn't you summon me earlier?" 

Klaus ignored the question as he rushed to his brother. "We have to look for Dick!" 

Ben blinked. Klaus stared back at him. "…It's literally the middle of the night. Can't you just use a dildo or something?"


	6. Chapter 6

Klaus stopped under the streetlamp. He looked at Ben. "If you were a kidnapper, where would you take him?" 

Ben was silent for a moment. "To my room, probably." 

Klaus gave an outraged gasp. "Why would you - " 

"I was answering your question! Besides, you _did_ say his ass was nice to look at." 

Klaus reached over to shove him. His hand went through Ben's side. He quickly pulled away to point his finger at him instead. "You don't even like men!" 

Ben arched a brow. "How would you know?" 

"So, you're gay?" Klaus placed his hands on his hips. "Is that what you're saying?" 

"I never said I'd do anything to him." 

Klaus gave another gasp. He placed a hand on his chest. "I'm hurt, Ben! I can't believe you never told me! We could've went on double dates - " 

"One, I'm dead. How would that even work? Two, you don't have a boyfriend. Again, how would that even work?" 

"I have Dick," Klaus said. "And I'll find you a ghost boyfriend if I have to. Oh my God, we could've watched gay porn together - " 

"Who are you talking to?" 

Klaus turned around, instantly on edge. The lens of a domino mask met his eyes. 

He blinked, taking in the guy's appearance. Black hair. Medium build outlined by his spandex suit. Some sort of blue design on the suit. Appears to be friendly. So, superhero? Or a bad guy. Maybe he was just making conversation? But he didn't seem to want to kill Klaus, so. Superhero? 

He glanced at Ben, who was shaking his head. Klaus looked down, and was about to push past Spandex - 

Spandex cleared his throat. Klaus raised his head. 

"Hi," Spandex said. Klaus shifted his gaze to Spandex's face. Somewhat okay-ish skin under the light. No pimples. Nice mouth. Klaus glanced at his hair. Hmm. It looked awfully soft. "Who were you talking to?" 

Klaus forced himself to look back at Spandex's face. "Nobody. And my mom said I shouldn't talk to strangers." 

Spandex paused. Then, "I'm Nightwing. So, there. I'm not a stranger anymore." 

_Nightwing... Nightwing...._ Klaus frowned. He glanced at Ben again. Ben shrugged. The name rang a bell... 

"From the Titans?" Nightwing said. 

It clicked. "Oh, _that_ Nightwing." 

"Who?" Ben said. 

"Superhero," Klaus said, squinting at Nightwing. Something seemed suspiciously familiar about him - 

Nightwing rubbed the nape of his neck. "Yeah, that's me. I'm a hero." He cleared his throat. "So, what brings you to the streets of Blüdhaven, stranger? It's past midnight, you know." 

Klaus exchanged a look with Ben. "Sorry, but I don't think it's any of your business, Mr Hero. So, if you'd kindly…" He made a shooing motion with his hand. 

"Fuck off?" Nightwing said. 

Klaus nodded. " _Ja_ , please." Then his eyes widened as he realized what he'd said. 

Oh, fuck. What if Nightwing would turn him in to the cops? But judging by the grin on his lips, Nightwing definitely looked more amused by his antics. 

Klaus narrowed his gaze. 

As abruptly as it appeared, the grin faded. Nightwing tilted his head to the side. "Wait. You're Klaus Hargreeves, aren't you?" 

Jesus Christ, what the _fuck_. 

Klaus glanced at Ben, who was hovering over Nightwing's shoulder. Ben stared back at him in bewilderment. Biting his bottom lip, Klaus returned his attention to Nightwing. "...How do you know my name?" 

"You know Dick Grayson, right?" 

Alarm bells started ringing in his head. "Uh. _Nein?_ " 

"Dick's a close friend of mine." 

"Oh." The alarm bells quieted down. Klaus heaved a relieved sigh. "Great. That's really great news. Glad to hear it." He straightened up. "Anyway, can I ask you a question?" 

Nightwing nodded. His fringe fell over the lenses of his domino mask. Klaus resisted the urge to stare. "Sure. Ask away." 

"Ask him if he knows where Dick is," Ben said. 

Klaus nodded. Good suggestion. "Dick's gone."

 _"That's not even what I -_ " 

"And I'm, like, fifty-two percent sure he's been kidnapped. So I have to look for him." Klaus paused. "Will you help me?" 

He heard rather than saw Ben facepalm. ("Klaus, what the hell. I swear to God, why do you never listen to me - ") He ignored him to shoot Nightwing a pleading look. "Please?" He clasped his hands together, letting his bottom lip jut out into a pout. "You're a hero, aren't you?" 

"Okay." Nightwing took a deep breath. "I'm not sure if he told you this, but…Dick has a stressful job. He likes to go on long walks around the city. To clear his head." 

Klaus reeled back. "At _midnight?!_ " 

"Yeah," Nightwing said. Klaus stared at him. "In fact, I just saw him earlier - " 

"You did? Where?" 

Nightwing chewed on his bottom lip. ~~Hot.~~ "At the…Spine. But he'll be back at your apartment in no time. So you really don't have to worry about him." 

Klaus closed his mouth. He looked at Nightwing suspiciously. Why does he have a feeling he'd just missed something very important? 

As if reading his thoughts, Nightwing held up a hand. "I swear on the Batmobile you don't need to worry about him. I'll even keep an eye on him for you, if you want. But you really have to get going, though. It's not safe here." 

"He has a point," Ben said. 

"Fine." Klaus huffed. He looked at Nightwing. Resisted the urge to tug his jacket closer to himself. "I'll see you around, then. And, uh. _Danke._ For Dick." 

"No problem," Nightwing said. "See you around." 

Klaus nodded, and turned on his heel to begin the long, long trek back to the apartment. Maybe Nightwing was right, and Dick really did just take a walk 'round the city. Maybe he'd even be back at the apartment now. 

"He seemed okay," Ben said. "Cool suit, too." 

Klaus hummed under his breath in agreement. He glanced over his shoulder, just in time to get a good look at Nightwing's behind as he disappeared from view. He had to admit, the superhero was nicer than he expected. If someone up there really did like him, then maybe they'd see each other again. Hopefully, the next meeting won't be like this one, so he'd be able to get a good look at Nightwing's suit. A suit which _definitely_ left nothing to the imagination, especially his - 

Klaus stopped.

Where had he seen that ass before?


	7. Chapter 7

"Here you go." 

Klaus raised his head from his arms to look at the plate of bacon, toast, and eggs. Then he looked at Dick. " _Danke._ " 

"No problem," Dick said, taking a seat from across him. 

"So." Klaus cleared his throat. "Question. Where were you last night?" 

Dick's eyes widened. "Oh, shit. Um... How do I say this?" He took a deep breath. Klaus waited ~~im~~ patiently. "I...went for a walk. I always do, because it helps me think. I don't really make a big deal out of it, since I'm a cop, and I can - well, protect myself." A sheepish expression crossed his face. "Did I make you worry? I made you worry, didn't I?" 

Klaus exchanged a look with Ben, who had perched himself on the edge of the counter. "Not really. It's fine." He gave a dismissive wave of his hand. 

"Liar," Ben mouthed. 

Klaus ignored him. He tore off a piece of bacon, popped it in his mouth - 

\- and promptly choked. 

He turned away from the counter as he grabbed his throat. His vision blurred. He vaguely heard Ben panic - 

Strong arms wrapped around his waist. Pulled him to his feet. A fist pressed against his stomach in an upward motion - 

He straightened up, gasping. 

"You okay now?" Dick said, voice somewhere near his ear. 

Thankfully, Klaus managed not to faint at the close proximity. He just gave a weak nod, and slumped against Dick's chest. ~~Was it just him or did were those rock-hard abs pressing against his back~~ " _Ja._ Thank..." He swallowed. "Thank you, _Herr_ Grayson." 

Dick withdrew his arms, and padded back to his food. Klaus inwardly wept at the loss of contact (Christ, he should've pretended to faint; maybe Dick would've given him CPR) but had no choice but to return his attention to his own breakfast. 

They finished the rest of their breakfast in silence, though Dick occasionally looked up from his phone to make small talk. 

"I'll do it!" Klaus said when Dick moved to clear their plates. "You can...do whatever you want to do." 

"Okay." Dick stood up. "I'm gonna take a shower, so if you wanna use the bathroom first - " 

"No, no." Klaus shook his head. At Dick's amused look, he added, "Just - take your shower. It's not a problem. Really." 

He didn't need to glance at Ben to know his brother was rolling on the floor in laughter. "Go away, Ben. You're ruining the moment." 

Dick furrowed his eyebrows. "What?" 

"Nothing," he said quickly. "Just talking to myself." 

"Alright, then." 

Klaus propped his chin up on his palm to watch Dick walk out of the kitchen, gaze trained on that perky you-know-where. 

"Anyone ever tell you you're so bad at this?" 

He turned to give Ben a dirty look. "I really, really don't like you right now, dear brother of mine." 

"Sure." Ben gave a shrug, like, _whatever you say._ Klaus stuck his tongue out at him. "You still have to tell him, though." 

_Still have to tell…?_ Klaus groaned as he remembered last night's conversation. He thumped his head on the counter. "What if I don't want to?" he whined. 

"You're literally living in his apartment," Ben said. "For free. It's the least you could do." 

Klaus raised his head to pout at Ben. "Rude. You didn't have to attack me like that." 

"Just tell him, Klaus." The clear exasperation in Ben's voice made Klaus nervously fiddle with the rings on his fingers. "I'm pretty sure he won't kick you out." 

And he thought about it. Ben did have a point. _Herr_ Grayson hadn't kicked him out when he found him on the couch, so why would he care if Klaus often talked to the ghost of his dead brother? 

"…You're right." He stopped twisting his rings. "It's not fair to him." He looked at Ben. "Or you." 

Ben blinked. Then his face broke into a smile. "Thanks, Klaus." 

Klaus smiled back. He got to his feet to put the plates in the dishwasher, before returning to the counter. "Hey, did I mention _Herr_ Grayson's adopted, too - 

About thirty minutes later, Klaus heard the slam of a door. He looked at Ben. "I'll tell him." 

"Wait - " 

Pretending not to have heard his brother, Klaus leapt off the stool, and skipped to the direction of Dick's bedroom - 

He froze. 

At the sight of Dick. 

In nothing but a towel around his waist. 

Which seemed to slip lower with every passing second in slow motion - 

"Wow," Ben said. 

"I know." 

"Yeah, I totally get why you're into him. I mean, look at his - " 

"For the record, I saw that ass first." 

"...I was gonna say abs." 

"Oh." Klaus nodded. " _Ja_ , that, too." 

"Tell him." 

"I will," Klaus said, continuing to stare at those chiseled, rock-hard abs. ~~Dammit~~ Thank you, Ben. 

"I don't see you moving." 

Klaus threw up his hands. "Fine!" He stalked towards Dick, and stopped in front of him. "Hi, can I tell you something? I'll make it quick." He flashed him his best smile. "Promise." 

Dick look startled, like he didn't realize he had an audience. (Two, actually.) "Uh, sure." 

Klaus opened his mouth, but was distracted by the line of droplets trailing down Dick's chest - 

"Klaus?" Dick's voice startled him back to reality. 

He tore his gaze away from Dick's chest to look at his mouth - _nein_ , bad idea, Klaus. Look at him in the eye instead. Dick looked amused, like he was used to people gaping at his sexy Greek god body. 

Klaus cleared his throat. _He could do this._ He took a deep breath. "Remember the superheroes I told you about?" Dick nodded. Klaus licked his lips nervously. "I'm one of them. The Séance. He's me." 

"Oh," Dick said. "Uh, okay." 

Klaus gawked at him. "That's it? _Okay?_ " 

"I mean, yeah, I'm surprised. But not _that_ surprised," Dick said. "Weirder stuff have happened here, so when people say they have powers, or are from a different dimension? Not hard to believe." 

Klaus could've slapped himself. Superheroes. Fuck, how could he have forgot? 

"But since we're apparently sharing secrets now - " 

His brain perked up at Dick's grin. Oh my God, is he going to say what he thinks he's going to say? Is Dick finally going to admit his love for him? 

_("You don't understand! It's true love!"_

__

__

_"You've known him for sixteen hours, Klaus.")_

" - and I'm pretty sure you already know anyway, but - "

 _Please say you like me, please say you like me…_

" - I'm Nightwing." 

Klaus gasped. Then he swiveled around to stare accusingly at Ben. "I _told_ you that ass seemed familiar!"


	8. Chapter 8

Klaus really shouldn't have been fucking surprised that Dick had taken a liking to Ben after he introduced them to each other a few hours ago. If you asked him, it just further proved that _Herr_ Dick Grayson was a perfect human being, and therefore, the love of Klaus' somewhat shitty life. 

Hell, Dick even asked Ben if he wanted anything from the store, and Ben almost fucking teared up at that because who the heck asks ghosts if they wanted anything from the store? 

The love of Klaus Hargreeves' life, that's who. 

_("I take back what I said."_

_"The one where Dick can't be the love of my life because I just met him thirty hours ago?"_

_"Yep. In fact, you can marry him now. I'm giving you my blessing - ")_

Dick had went out to get groceries about half an hour ago, leaving Klaus alone with Ben. They were talking in the kitchen (again) when a loud knock echoed around the apartment. Sharing a puzzled look with his brother, Klaus got to his feet to open the door - 

"Where's Grayson?" 

He looked down. 

Green eyes glared back at him. "Who are you? You're not supposed to be here. Where's Grayson?" 

Klaus blinked. Admittedly, it took a moment for the words to sink in. "Excuse me?" 

"You're not supposed to be here," the kid repeated. For some weird-ass reason, he reminded him of Five. Maybe it was the scowl? 

Before Klaus could respond, the boy shoved past him. Klaus' eyes almost bugged out of their sockets as he caught sight of the object strapped to the boy's back. 

"Holy shit," Ben said, drifting to Klaus' side. Klaus privately couldn't have agreed more with him. "Is that a real sword?" 

"I sure fucking hope not," Klaus said as he closed the door. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had a niggling feeling that he was supposed to know the kid, but since he was here for Dick, he was probably his brother. 

After exchanging a bewildered look with Ben because _sword_ , what kind of kid even carries a sword around in public, Klaus hurried after said kid. "So. Dick's going to be - " 

The kid whirled around. 

Faster than Five's space-time-warping abilities, he pulled out his sword, and pointed it at Klaus' direction. (Klaus barely managed to stop himself from hyperventilating because _Jesus fucking Christ_ who does that it was like Diego with his knives and sharp objects all over again.) The kid's eyes narrowed. "How do you know Grayson?" 

"He's my roommate!" Klaus protested, flinging his hands in the air in surrender. "I live here!" 

"You're lying," the kid hissed. Actual, honest-to-God _hissed_. Klaus had never been so fearful for his life before. "Grayson has had this apartment to himself since the day he bought it."

Klaus whimpered, trying not to go cross-eyed at the sight of a fucking sword (!!!) pressed against his throat. "Well, I live here now - " 

The tip of the blade dug deeper. "Liar. Now, tell me the truth, or I will run my blade through your neck, rip out your insides, string them with your intestines, and hang them outside the apartment for everyone in the whole city to see. Repeatedly," the kid added, like it was supposed to add more emphasis, or something. 

Then he swung his sword. 

Klaus screamed. 

He scrambled back, almost tripping on his feet to avoid being beheaded by a fucking demon child - Jesus Christ, is Dick really worth this shit? "Ben! Ben, get away from him! He has a sword!" 

"For your information, nitwit, this is a katana. And who are even you talking to?" 

"No one!" 

"Did he just call you a nitwit?" 

"Answer me, peasant!" 

Klaus gulped as he felt the wall of the apartment bump into his back. The demon child stood in front of him, the tip of his sword - sorry, katana, digging against the column of Klaus' throat. For the second time in the past five minutes. Klaus leaned away as far as he could from the tip of the sword - katana. He stared at the demon child in fear. "Who _are_ you?!" 

The demon child's gaze narrowed. Holy fuck, he _was_ a demon. "None of your business, trespasser." 

"I told you, I live here - " 

"Liar." 

Just when Klaus was beginning to see his life flash before his eyes ( _Gott_ , how would his siblings react if they noticed he hadn't returned, what would happen to Ben, Klaus hadn't tasted Dick's sweet, sweet ~~ass~~ mouth yet - ) the door to the apartment burst open. 

"Dami!"

Dick - thank fucking God - barreled inside. The groceries fell to the floor as Dick rushed towards them. Had Klaus been a weaker-willed man, he would've thrown himself at Dick, and sobbed in his arms already. But sadly, he wasn't a weaker-willed man, so he didn't do that.

(Besides, he was pretty sure Ben would never let him live it down if he suddenly jumped at Dick like some damsel in distress reunited with her fucking Prince Charming.) 

"What are you doing here?" Dick said - _Jesus Christ on a cracker_ , he was _actually_ addressing the demon. "I mean, not that I'm not happy you came, but for Christ's sake, put down your katana, please - "

Klaus froze mid-panic to squint at said demon child. "So, you're Dami?"

"My _name_ is Damian," the demon said haughtily. 

"The Antichrist." Klaus nodded, pretending not to see Ben inch away from the kid. 

The Antichrist glared up at him. "What did you say?" 

"Nothing!" Dick said. "It was a joke. Dami, please put down your katana - " 

With a loud scoff, the Antichrist sheathed his weapon. (Seriously, how dramatic can he be?) Then he turned his attention to Dick. "Richard, do you know this man?" 

Klaus' jaw dropped. Some of his initial panic had faded away to be replaced by indignation. "I _told_ you - " 

"He's my roommate," Dick said.

Klaus placed his hands on his hips. "See?" 

But the Antichrist just arched an eyebrow at Dick, like Klaus ~~was dead and a ghost like Ben~~ wasn't there and didn't say anything and - okay, that's just plain rude. Last time he checked, _he_ wasn't the one who wanted to shove a katana through the demon child's throat, and now the demon was acting like Klaus didn't even exist? Again, rude. "Since when did you have a roommate?" 

Dick rubbed the back of his head. "Since yesterday?" 

"Since yesterday? What happened? And why haven't Father and the others said anything?" the Antichrist demanded. Christ, Klaus could already see he was worse than Five. And Luther. Combined.

Dick heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Because...it's kind of a long story." 


	9. Chapter 9

"You know about our identities," the Antichrist said. 

Klaus was trying very hard not to stare at the sword - sorry, _katana_ laid out on the countertop in front of them. Or think about the fact that the Antichrist's fingers were twitching like he wanted to make a grab for the katana. "Would you kill me if I said yes?" 

The demon child hummed under his breath. "Perhaps." 

"Then _nein_ , I don't know anything about your identities." 

An awkward silence settled in the air. Klaus shot a desperate look towards the living room. What was taking _Herr_ Grayson so long? 

As if on cue, Ben drifted to the kitchen. "He's still on the phone." 

Klaus swallowed. He pretended to examine his nails to avoid catching the Antichrist's eye. _Gott_ , how did an absolute angelic, and hot piece of ass like _Herr_ Grayson get an absolute demon child for a younger brother? And - oh shit, what if the demon child would be his future brother-in-law? He could handle Jason - he seemed like an okay guy, and Tim somewhat seemed to be a nice guy to get along with based on Dick's stories, but the demon child/Antichrist… 

"Do you like Richard?" 

Klaus' attention snapped to said Antichrist, before he turned to stare at Ben. 

"Holy shit," Ben mouthed, "how does he know?" 

"I don't know!" Klaus mouthed back in despair. 

The Antichrist clicked his tongue. Klaus forced himself to return his attention to him. "I was under the impression that it's only polite to answer when a person is asked a question." 

"Uh." Jesus, the kid was so much scarier than Five. " _Nein?_ I mean," he added, as the demon child arched a brow, "I don't like your brother like that." 

"Oh my God," Ben said, and Klaus could hear the hushed bewilderment (and awe; Klaus could definitely identify the awe in there because when you've spent years with your brother for company, be it drug-induced hallucinations or otherwise, you tend to understand them better than you could understand yourself) in his voice, "is he giving you the shovel talk?" 

Klaus straightened up. "Are you giving me the shovel talk?" 

The Antichrist lifted his chin to look at him in the eye. (Klaus tried not to cower at the obvious evil gleam in that gaze.) "What do you think?" 

"Um. Maybe?" 

The Antichrist's eye twitched. Just when Klaus thought he was finally going to get slaughtered by Satan in child form, the Antichrist suddenly cleared his throat. "A duel."

"…I'm sorry, what?"

The demon child gave him a dirty look. "I challenge you to a duel, trespasser. On Saturday. All weapons allowed. To see if you're worthy of my brother." 

Klaus exchanged a confused look with Ben. "Again, what?"

The demon child looked at him as if he was stupid. Which was, frankly, offensive, because Klaus wasn't stupid, thank you very much. He may have dabbled in drugs once upon a time, but he wasn't stupid. "If you win, I will let you court my brother. If you lose, your limbs will decorate the mantlepiece above the Manor's fireplace until such time I deem it unneccessary." 

"Isn't that a little too morbid?" Ben said.

Klaus could only gape like a fish in shock. Fuck, what kind of kid was his future husband's youngest brother? "But…we're not in the Middle Ages anymore. Can't I just, you know," he said, giving a slow wave of his hand, "dick _Herr_ Grayson and be done with it?" 

"What the hell, Klaus?! You said you wanted to marry him!" 

"So you only want Richard for sex?" the Antichrist said. Klaus paled as the temperature appeared to drop a few degrees. "How _dare_ you -" 

"I was joking!" 

_Gott_ , can't the demon take a joke?! Didn't he know what a joke was?

A dark look crossed the demon child's face. "...So you think getting together with Richard is a joke?"

"No!" 

Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with the kid?! Even Luther knew what a joke was, and he was Luther, for fuck's sake - 

"Okay, since you're obviously making this worse, why don't you just tell him you're serious about Dick?" Ben said. Klaus could've kissed his brother. Thank God for Ben Hargreeves. And Ben's common sense. Klaus didn't know what he'd do without him. 

"I'm serious about _Herr_ Grayson." The Antichrist narrowed his eyes. He began to reach for his katana. Klaus gulped. "I swear! Cross my heart, and hope to die!" 

Before the Antichrist could say anything else, Dick had waltzed back to the kitchen, and plopped himself on the barstool opposite Klaus, who resisted the urge to leapt across the counter and throw himself into _Herr_ Grayson's arms because why the hell do these things always happen to him? 

"Sorry, Amy's been hounding me about the case - " Dick broke off. He must've seen the look of terror on Klaus' face because he said, "Dami, did you threaten to kill our guest again?" 

Klaus wanted to cry. Jesus Christ on a cracker, _again?_

"Not yet."

 _Not yet?!_

"Dami…" Dick said. 

But the demon child stood up. "I'm done here, Richard." 

(Oh, thank God.) 

"What?" Dick said. "You're leaving already?" 

"Father wants me back at the Manor in half an hour," the demon child said. "Something about a case he's been working on."

"Aww, but you only just arrived! You haven't even met Ben yet!" Dick said. 

Klaus stared at his future husband in a newfound light. Holy shit. Forget Dick's demonic little brother, Klaus could already picture their wedding - _Herr_ Grayson in a tux, Klaus himself in a dress, a bouquet of red roses in hand - 

"Can't you marry him faster, Klaus?" 

Klaus gave an absentminded nod. "I'm trying." 

"Ben?" The Antichrist's voice dragged Klaus from his wonderful daydream. "Who is Ben?" 

"Klaus' brother," Dick said. 

Klaus straightened up. He'll get back to his daydream later. "My ghost brother. I can introduce you to him, if you want." Without waiting for the demon's reply, he gestured to the space where Ben was perched on the countertop. "Ben, meet the dem - I mean, Damian. Damian, Ben." 

"Pleasure," the demon child said dryly. 

Ben crossed his arms over his chest. "Really not sure if I can say the same for you." 

"He said it's nice to meet you, too," Klaus said. 

"Tt."

"Aww, don't look so down, Dami," Dick said. (Down? _Down?_ What on earth the demon child didn't look - ) "You'll still see them on Saturday. Bruce invited Klaus - and Ben, of course - for lunch!" 

Klaus' eyes widened in horror. Oh, sweet Jesus, the lunch on Saturday… 

"Lunch?" Ben echoed. 

"If Father did indeed invite you, then I look forward to seeing you both at the Manor," the Antichrist said.

Klaus could only weep internally in response. 


	10. Chapter 10

Before Klaus knew it, the week had passed, and Dick was dragging him towards the parlor, chattering excitedly about how his sister Cass had arrived a day early from Thailand because she wanted to meet Klaus. 

"Jay, have you seen Cass?" 

Dick's brother looked up from his cup of…coffee? Hot chocolate? Aren't they having lunch in ten minutes? Klaus waved at him in greeting. " _Guten tag_." 

"Hey." Jason set down his cup on the coffee table, right beside a paperback copy of some book Klaus didn't recognize. Probably a classic, or something. Dick did mention Jason was into those. "Nice eyeliner." 

"Ah." Klaus returned his attention to Jason's face. " _Danke._ " 

"You're welcome," Jason said easily. "And Cass is at the bar with Steph." 

"Thanks, Jay!" 

Before Klaus could say good-bye, Dick had already wrapped an arm around his waist, and led him out of the parlor. 

Klaus held his breath as they walked through the hall, trying his best not to focus on the warmth of _Herr_ Grayson's palm - 

"Don't pretend you don't like it, because I know you do." 

Klaus rolled his eyes. "Go away, Ben." 

"Ben?" Dick said. "What did he say?" 

"He said you're cute," Klaus said, looking at Ben straight in the eye. Then he realized his mistake a split-second too late. 

"Really?" Dick sounded flattered. A quick look confirmed he _did_ look flattered - had a pleased smile on, and everything. "Thanks, Ben!" 

"Love you too, Dick!" 

Klaus gave his brother the middle finger. 

"Dick!" 

Klaus looked to the direction of the voice. He squinted. At the end of the hallway stood a blonde, with a young, dark-haired girl behind her. "Steph, and Cass?" 

"Yeah." Dick grinned at him. _Gott_ , Klaus could wake up to that smile everyday. "C'mon!" 

They met up with the girls in the middle of the hall. Dick immediately let go of Klaus (who inwardly mourned at the loss of contact) to pull the dark-haired girl into a huh. "Cass! I missed you!" 

"Hey!" the blonde said. "What about me?" 

Dick laughed, and pulled away from Cass. (Klaus could wake up to that laugh, too.) "I just saw you last week, Steph!" 

"Doesn't mean you don't miss me," Steph said. 

"Fair enough." Dick pulled her into a hug. "Missed you." 

Klaus looked away from the scene when he heard someone clear their throat beside him. He glanced to the right to see the dark-haired girl - Cass. She held out her hand. "You must be…Klaus?" 

He gave her his best smile. " _Ja!_ At your service, _Frau_ Cain." 

With an exaggerated bow, he took her hand, and pressed a light kiss to her knuckles. She giggled. His smile widened. Her timidness reminded him of Vanya, in a way.

"Does this mean I can have Dick now?" Ben said. 

" _Nein._ " Klaus let go of Cass' hand to turn to the blonde - Steph. "And you, _Frau_ …?" 

"Stephanie Brown, but you can call me Steph." Grinning, she held out her hand. "Nice to meet you." 

Of course, Klaus kissed her hand, too, eliciting a protest from Ben about how it wasn't fair that he was making a move on the girls when he already had Dick. Klaus was just about to retort that he was being polite, thank you very much, but then Dick just had to say - 

"Listen, I gotta help Al. Make yourself comfortable, okay? I'll see you in ten minutes." 

Before Klaus could protest that Dick could just bring him along, the love of life had already hurried away. 

"So, Klaus. Dick mentioned you had a ghost brother." 

Klaus tore his gaze away from his future husband's retreating ass to nod at Steph's question. " _Ja._ " He swept an arm at the space beside him. Ben arched a brow, like, _really?_ Klaus ignored him. "This is Ben. Ben, meet Cass, and Steph." 

Cass gave a polite nod towards the space Klaus had indicated. "Nice to meet you." 

"Looking good, Ben," Steph said. 

Klaus' eyes widened. Did she just wink…? 

"Klaus, you can have Dick. I think I have a new favorite person now." 

"Cass." Steph nudged her friend's side. "What do you think of our guest?" 

"You're afraid," Cass said. 

"What?" Klaus pointed to himself. "Me, afraid? _Nein!_ I'm not afraid! What should I be afraid of?" 

"Damian." 

"..." 

"He's got you there," Ben said. 

"Cassandra. Brown." 

Klaus whirled around at the voice. Oh, _hell no -_

The Antichrist stared back at him. "May I have a word with…Klaus?" 

"Why?" Steph said. (Thank _Gott_ for Steph. She's now up there along with the rest of Dick's siblings as Klaus' new favorite people.) 

The Antichrist's lips pressed into a thin line. "Because I wanted to ask him something." 

"Are...you sure?" 

The Antichrist gave a curt nod. "Yes, Cassandra." 

"How sure?" 

"A hundred percent, Brown." 

Cass, and Steph exchanged glances. Klaus had to admit, the demon child was a very, very good liar. 

"Don't hurt him," Cass said. Klaus bit back a whimper. "Or else." 

"I give you my word," the demon said. 

With a defeated sigh, Klaus trailed after the Antichrist. He let the child lead him to a set of double doors, and into an empty room. 

"Are we really doing this?" 

The Antichrist closed the door behind him. Klaus didn't miss the evil glint in his eyes. "Yes." 

Fuck. 

Ben also seemed to realize he really was serious, because he phased through the wall with an, "I'll get Dick!" and left Klaus alone. 

In a room. 

With the demon child. 

He glanced around, pushing down the panic building in the pit of his stomach for something he could do to stop himself from being murdered by a literal Satan incarnate. Maybe he could throw the picture frame at the child to buy some time, then escape out of the window - 

"I wasn't joking about duelling you." 

Klaus' gaze snapped to said demon child. He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

Oh, Christ. Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, is this it? Was he going to die here? _Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein -_

The Antichrist stepped forward. Klaus unconsciously took a step back. 

The demon let the light glint off of the knife in his hand, as if to remind Klaus that yes, he _was_ going to die here all because the love of his life had a demon spawn for a little brother - 

The doors burst open. Klaus quickly pushed down the strange sense of déjà vu again as Jason and…Tim? _Ja_ , that had to be Tim - rushed inside the room, Ben at their heels. 

Tim skidded to a halt in front of the Antichrist. "What the hell, demon brat?! Cass specifically told you not to hurt him!" 

The Antichrist scoffed at Tim. (The nerve, didn't he have any respect?) "I wasn't going to hurt him, Drake. At most, it would be a painless death if he'd cooperate. Besides, I am protecting Grayson's honor. The trespasser needs to be worthy if he wants to become his spouse." 

Klaus' jaw dropped. He forced himself to straighten up. (Thank God his knees have finally stopped trembling.) "Excuse _you_ , I never even agreed to the duel in the first place! And I don't need to win for me to be worthy - " 

Tim held up a hand. Klaus shut up. 

"Okay," Tim said. "First off, this is ridiculous." He pointed at the demon child. "How many times do we have to say that you can't just hurt people who have a crush on Dick - " 

"And you can't anyway, since practically everyone has a crush on Goldie - " Jason muttered, but Klaus still heard him. 

"What?!" the Antichrist shouted. 

Apparently, it wasn't just him. 

"Please, demon spawn." Jason rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed. Even _I_ had a crush on Goldie when I was Robin. And Timmers here definitely had a hard-on for Dickiebird's scaly green panties - " 

"I did not!" 

"You both had a crush on Grayson?" The disgust was palpable in the demon's voice. 

"Who can blame them, though?" Ben said, drifting to a stop beside Klaus. 

"I know, right?" 

"For Pete's sake, guys," Tim said, "we're getting off the subject!" 

"Yes." Klaus looked at the demon child in awe. He actually saw sense? "Hargreeves needs to die." 

"No!" 

"What the hell, brat?!" 

"What is happening here?" 

Klaus looked to the doorway. He opened his mouth to defend himself - 

"Dick," Jason said. "You need to get the demon under control." 

"Go to hell, Todd!" 

"I did. Wasn't to my liking, so I came back." 

"Is he serious?" Ben said. 

"How should I know?" 

"Okay," Dick said. " _Okay._ " 

_Scheiße._ Klaus suddenly wanted nothing more than to comfort him, but sadly, now wasn't the time. Or place. Because they had an audience, and Klaus wasn't sure if the demon really wouldn't kill him if he touched his precious older brother. 

"Just..." Dick took a deep breath. "Let's go. Lunch is ready." 

Ben, and Klaus looked at each other, before following the Waynes out of the room, and to the dining area, where a myriad of dishes waited for them. 

Klaus' mouth watered at the sight. Holy mother of God. He didn't think he'd ever seen this much food in like, ever. 

"Wow," Ben said. Klaus didn't need to look at him to know he was also staring at what seemed to be a mini-buffet on the table. 

"Cool, huh?" Klaus could only nod at Dick. "Alfie really outdid himself." 

He ended up sitting between Dick, and Tim, while Steph, the demon child, Cass, and Jason sat from across them. Bruce, of course, sat at the head of the table. 

"So, Mr Hargreeves - " Bruce said. 

Klaus cringed at the name. "Just Klaus, _bitte._ Mr Hargreeves is our dad, and trust us if we don't want to be associated with him," he said, spooning some of the heavenly risotto into his mouth. 

"Holy fuck," Jason said. "Now you've done it, pretty boy." 

Klaus swallowed his risotto. "What? What did I do?" 

"He can pass for one of us, can he?" Jason turned to Cass. "I mean, he's got black hair, and - " 

"No," the demon child hissed. 

Klaus returned to his risotto. He looked around. Somebody could cut the tension with a knife. Bruce seemed to think so, too, because he set down his fork, and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"We have guests," he said. "Can't you all just please pretend to be a normal family for once?" 

"Normal?" Steph said. "What normal?" 

"Pretty sure this family hasn't been normal for years, old man," Jason said. 

Klaus pretended not to hear Dick hastily turn his snort into a cough. 

The demon child cleared his throat. "Maybe we could be a normal family if Drake didn't interrupt the duel." 

"Oh, screw you! How is it my fault when _you_ were the one who was dead set on murdering our guest, you freaking little gremlin - " 

"Dami, _no -_ " 

With a loud cry, the Antichrist leapt across the table, and tackled Tim out of his chair. 

_ 

Klaus collapsed on the couch. 

Ben had disappeared sometime between Jason, and Dick jumping in to rescue Tim at the last minute, which evolved into _another_ fight involving _Herr_ Grayson's supposed-scaly green panties, _Jason's_ scaly green panties, and Bruce's screwed-up fashion sense (Tim's words, not his) while Klaus watched in terror from the sidelines. A small part of him had to be relieved that the Waynes didn't have powers, because he was pretty sure the Manor would've already been destroyed if they did. 

"Hey there, stranger." 

He raised his head as the couch suddenly dipped. He scrambled to sit up, and gave Steph his best smile. " _Hallo,_ Steph." 

Steph grinned back, scooting closer to him to nudge his shoulder. "So, what do you think of the family? Good? Bad? Regretting your decision to become the future Mr Grayson yet?" 

Klaus pouted. "Does everyone know I have a crush on him?" 

"Everyone has had a crush on Dick at least once," Stephanie said. Klaus resisted the urge to pout again. Her matter-of-fact tone did not make him feel better in the slightest. "And you weren't exactly subtle. You, and Dami both. Tell you what. If you do plan to become the future Mr Grayson, then maybe Cass, and I could help." 

Klaus stared at her. "...Really?" 

"Yep! So get ready to cancel all your plans tomorrow because you are going shopping with us!"


	11. Chapter 11

"What do you think?" Klaus held out the overall dress. " _Ja,_ or _nein_?" 

Cass furrowed her eyebrows. "Nice, but...too short?" she said. "Is it okay for you?" 

Hm. Upon closer inspection, the overalls _were_ a bit too short. The length probably didn't even reach his knees. "Ah, I suppose you're right, _Frau_ Cain." He returned the overalls, and reached for the white maxi skirt. "What about this?" 

Cass gave a thumbs-up. "Good." 

" _Danke._ Ben recommended it to me, you know." 

"You two go shopping often?" 

Klaus glanced at Ben, who grimaced. 

"Not really." He dumped the maxi skirt on the ever-growing pile of clothes in their cart, followed by the tulle skirt he'd been eyeing earlier. "I've only ever went on one shopping spree, and it was with my sister before - never mind. Anyway." He raised his head to shoot Cass his best smile. "You're sure Bruce wouldn't care? I mean, I've been freeloading off _Herr_ Grayson since someone up there dumped my ass on his very nice couch..." 

"Bruce already adopted you in his head when you mentioned you don't wanna be associated with your dad. Besides, you can't possibly borrow Dick's clothes for the next - what, three months?" Steph said from somewhere behind them. "We'll take this one, too. It's a nice color. And this. Klaus, can you ask Ben if he thinks you'd look better with this, or the black one?" 

"Definitely the navy blue," Ben said. 

Klaus turned his attention to Steph. She was holding two pinafore dresses. "Ben said the navy blue." 

"I knew it." With a grin, she tossed the dress into the pile, and returned the black one to the rack. "D'you wanna get something else, or...?" 

_ 

He strutted out of the dressing room, the maxi skirt flowing at his heels. He stopped in front of them, placed both on his hips, and angled his head slightly to the side. 

Steph gave a loud whoop, which made him preen. "Perfect! Cass?" 

Cass nodded, a pleased expression on her face. "Looks good on you." 

"I second that," Ben said. "It does look good on you, actually." 

_ 

"Preferred brand?" Cass had leaned over to look at the palette. "Neutral colors. Would suit you." 

" _Nein._ " He quickly set down it back on the shelf. ($125? No, thank you.) "I mean, I don't have a preferred brand, actually, since I know I could use any kind of make-up, and still look fabulous after applying it." 

"Good answer," Steph said. "Hey, Cass, d'you think gold, and bronze would fit his eyes better than muted purple?" 

"Yes," Cass said. "But just buy both, in case. And eyeliner." 

_ 

"…super famous, and we recommend wearing them with skinny jeans. Over here are our leather sneakers. They're a bit on the more expensive side, but that's because they're more durable than the other varieties. But if they're a lil' too pricey for you, we also have slip-on sneakers," the saleslady said. 

He looked at Steph. 

She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "Just pick whatever you want. Then it's boots afterwards." 

_ 

Cass held up the tubes. "Sheer, matte, gloss, or stain?" 

He pressed his mouth into a thin line. "Hmm…" 

Decisions, decisions. If he picked the sheer lipstick, then he'd be able to use it everyday. Gloss - he'd go for gloss if he think it'd be a good look on him, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't. Matte's a good choice. Not as fancy as gloss, but…when would he use it? Lip stains were also a nice option, as long as it wouldn't be a horrible color that clashed with his skin tone... 

"Do you even use lipstick?" 

He stuck his tongue out at Ben, who had drifted over to Cass to examine the lipsticks in her hand. "For your information, dear brother of mine, I _do_ use lipstick. Sometimes. On special occasions." 

"What, like when you're on your way to seducing your future husband?" 

_ 

He stepped forward, and placed a hand on his hip. 

"Get those jeans," Steph said. "It shows off your ass better than the other one." 

_ 

"Are you really, really sure your dad doesn't mind? Because I'm, like, fifty-two percent sure I wouldn't be able to pay him back even if I pop over this dimension after twenty-seven years." 

"They're free," Cass said. "Our treat." She tilted her head to the side, furrowing her eyebrows. "Steph told you, didn't she?" 

_"If you're wondering how we're gonna pay for everything, then don't you worry your pretty little head, 'cause I nabbed this - " Steph produced a thin black card from her wallet, " - from Bruce. And he has tons of these babies just lying around. Tim confirmed it for me, by the way, so trust me if I say he wouldn't mind if we borrowed one. It's for a good cause, after all."_

"Ah. _Ja_ , she did." The paper bags began to slip through his fingers. 

"Let me." Cass reached over to grab three of the bags. "So. What do you think of…piercings?" 

He paused in adjusting his grip on the remaining bags. He thought about the question. "Well, I'm not opposed to them, if that's what you're asking." 

_ 

"…Cass said I have to cleanse my face first. Then it's the toner, but Steph said that's optional. Next is the eye cream, but I can also skip that step if I want to. After that is the moisturizer, then face oil, then - " 

Ben threw his hands in the air. "What's the difference?" 

He pointed at the bottles. "Moisturizer. Toner. Cleanser." 

_ 

"Boots make everyone feel like a badass," Steph said. "Just ask Cass." 

He could only nod as he stared, wide-eyed, at the rows, and rows of (low-heels, lace-up boots, leather boots, thigh-high boots, knee-high boots, high-heels, block-heels, Cuban heels, wedges, stilettos - ) boots around him. 

_ 

He let his arms drop to the side, lifted his chin, and smirked. 

Ben gave a low wolf-whistle. "Yep, Dick will _definitely_ wanna bang you if he didn't want to already." 

_ 

"Hey, pretty boy, how was your trip - wait, whatcha got there in your mouth - ? Oh my God. Oh my God! Dickiebird, you gotta see this - "


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus pays Dick a visit at his workplace.

"What are we doing here again?" 

Klaus squinted at the menu. "To buy a sandwich. And donuts. Then we're off to the police station." 

"Why?" 

Klaus turned to Ben. "Because I want to see your future brother-in-law." 

Ben crossed his arms over his chest. "Aren't you going to see him tonight? When, you know, his shift ends, and he returns to the apartment?" 

"Of course, but it'll only be for an hour at most. Then he'll go on patrol. And you know I never see him in the morning because he's always gone by the time I wake up." 

Ben blinked at him. "Wow, I knew you were needy, but I never knew you were this needy." 

Klaus' hand flew to his mouth. "Did you just…?" He stared, wide-eyed, at his brother. "Okay, _that's it!_ I'm not talking to you!" 

"Klaus, what the hell - " 

"Blah, blah, blah, talk to the hand, Ben!" Klaus stuck his nose in the air as he returned his attention to the counter. 

"Welcome to Brenda's," the cashier said. "What can I get you?" 

Klaus gave her his third-best smile. (The one he reserved for pretty girls.) "One chicken salad sandwich, one strawberry-frosted donut, and one jelly donut, please." 

"That's a lot of food. How'll you pay for them?" 

Klaus rolled his eyes. "Go away, Ben." 

The cashier gave him a weird look. He ignored it, digging into the pocket of his jeans for the card Steph lent him last Sunday. 

"…was only telling the truth! I don't know why you're so butthurt over it - " 

Klaus perched himself on the nearest empty barstool while he waited for his order. He fiddled with the rings on his fingers. Absentmindedly ran his thumb over the umbrella tattoo. Ran his tongue over his piercing. Giggled as he remembered the look on Dick's face when he showed it to him. 

"Here's you go, mister. One chicken salad sandwich, one strawberry-frosted donut, and one jelly donut." 

He grabbed the paper bag from the cashier, and sent her another one of his third-best smiles. " _Danke!_ " 

After leaving a tip, he hurried out of the café inhaling the sweet, sweet ~~polluted~~ air of Blüdhaven. 

"Klaus, I swear - " 

He started to walk down the street, paper bag in hand. 

" - don't know why the _fuck_ do I even bother putting up with you - " 

He started to whistle a catchy tune he'd heard at Brenda's - about Istanbul, and Constatinople? Or something like that. 

"…see if I'll support your wedding - " 

Klaus sauntered inside the lobby of the police station, and made a beeline for the receptionist. "Hi," he said, "is Officer Grayson around?" 

The receptionist - a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who was, admittedly, sort of cute - arched a brow. "Why? What's your business with him?" 

He gave Mr Blue-eyed Hunk his best smile. "As payment for letting me sleep on his couch, I've bought him lunch." To prove his point, Klaus held up the paper bag.

"Hm. Name?" Mr Blue-eyed Hunk flipped open a thick notebook. 

"Klaus Hargreeves." 

Mr Blue-eyed Hunk grabbed a pen. "Is that with an 'ea' or double e?" 

"Double e," Klaus squinted at the nametag, "Officer Malloy." 

"Alright." Mr Blue-eyed Hunk finished scribbling his name. He gestured for Klaus to follow him. "This way, please." 

Klaus turned to exchange a look with Ben because wow, that was surprisingly easy - but then he remembered he wasn't talking to Ben, so he hurried after Mr Blue-eyed Hunk instead. 

Mr Blue-eyed Hunk led him down the hall, where they stopped in front of a door. He knocked once, pushed it open, and poked his head in the doorway. He motioned for Klaus to get inside, to which Klaus happily obliged, gaze immediately zeroing in on the desk at the corner. (Christ, was it just him, or did Dick get even sexier when he was in uniform?) "Grayson, your boyfriend's here." 

Dick looked up from his paperwork. "My boyfr..." he trailed off. Klaus straightened up, and gave a brief wave. "Klaus? Why are you - nice outfit." 

Klaus beamed at him. He knew picking the boots, and crop top was a great idea. " _Danke_." 

He skipped towards Dick to press a kiss to his cheek, ignoring the barrage of hushed whispers that erupted around them. He held up the paper bag. "I bought you a chicken salad sandwich from Brenda's. And donuts, of course! Ben wanted to stay at Meadowdale, but since lil' ol' me got bored, I decided to drop by for a visit." 

"Liar," Ben said. 

Klaus pretended not to hear him. 

Dick chuckled. Klaus had the sudden urge to lean down, and brush his fringe away from his eyes - _nein_ , Klaus, bad idea. Or is it? "Sorry, I know it's only been three days, but I'm still not used to your piercing." 

"You're not used to…?" Klaus placed his hand on his chest, letting his bottom lip jut out into a pout. "I'm hurt, Officer! How could you say such a thing? Your own sister helped me pick it out!" 

Dick looked like he was trying his hardest to keep a straight face. "Klaus - " 

Klaus heaved a loud sigh. "Fine, you can make it to me up by eating your lunch. _Nein_ , don't give me that look. I know you skip sometimes." He stared at Dick straight in the eye. "Steph said so."

The corner of Dick's mouth quirked up into Klaus' favorite half-smile. "So what you're saying is, if I eat the food you brought for me, you won't be mad anymore?" 

"What the fuck," someone said in the background. "This isn't fair! Why are all the hot ones always gay? Or taken?" 

"Dude, you're also gay. And I'm right here. You know, your boyfriend?" 

"Ignore them," Dick said. He reached forward to grab the paper bag, making sure their fingers brushed. "Thanks for the sandwich, Klaus. And donuts. Let me make it up to you tonight?" 

"Oh my God," someone said. "Seriously, Grayson?"

Klaus bit back a giggle. He didn't need to be a detective to know _Herr_ Grayson's love life will be the hottest topic at the Blüdhaven Police Department for a few days. Maybe even until next month. 

Ben clicked his tongue. "Jesus, I can't believe I've never realized this before, but Dick's exactly your type. Handsome, has a nice butt, isn't ashamed to flirt back. You two really are made for each other." 

Klaus gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, Ben. Eat your lunch first, Mr Nice Ass," he added, as Dick opened his mouth to say something. Probably to greet Ben. "Then we'll see if I'm still mad at you." 

_ 

"He wasn't your boyfriend." 

Dick glanced up at Amy, donut in hand. "No." 

"Then who was he?" she said. 

"Just my roommate." 

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Since when did you have a roommate?" 

"Since two weeks ago? It's complicated, but he's harmless," he said. 

"…Is he?" 

Dick resisted the urge to shrink in on himself. A year, and a half of friendship had taught him to be wary of Amy Rohrbach when she crossed her arms over her chest _and_ started to ask questions. "Okay, I know he's not the kind of guy you'd expect me to hang around with, but really, he's harmless." 

Because Klaus might be an ex-junkie-slash-recovering alcoholic, but Dick knew he wasn't a bad person. Hell, even with his powers, and shitty childhood (shitty dads counted as shitty childhood; Dick didn't have to be the World's Greatest Detective to figure that one out), he wouldn't hurt a fly. 

"So he's just your roommate? Nothing more?" 

"Nope." He shook his head. "Nothing more, A." 

'Right." Amy nodded, obviously not believing him. "Because I could've sworn _just roommates_ don't make heart eyes at each other for literally everyone else in the room to see - "


	13. Chapter 13

Klaus shifted, trying to make himself comfortable on the barstool. Him, and Dick dropping by the Manor on weekends? Apparently a thing now, because one could never say no to Alfred. "Any progress with the briefcase?"

"They're trying to locate someone called Rip Hunter, and...so far, that's it," Jason said. Klaus side-eyed the mojito in his hand - _nein_ , bad temptations. He's been sober for almost a month now, and he's going to be sober forever even if it kills him. For _Herr_ Grayson.

"So, Klaus," Tim said. Klaus turned his attention to him instead. "What does it feel like to be a meta?" 

"Ah." Klaus took a huge gulp of his Moscow mule mocktail. "It was horrible. Our dad locked me in a mausoleum for training." 

"He did _what?_ " 

"And did locking you up in the mausoleum help you in any way?" Bruce said. 

Klaus grabbed a potato chip from the large bowl on the counter. "Quite the opposite, but that's dear ol' dad for you." 

"A son of a bitch?" Jason leaned across the counter to grab a handful of chips from said bowl. 

"Bingo!" 

"Did your father really lock you up?" 

Klaus looked at Bruce. He winced at his unreadable expression. " _Ja..._?" 

Without another word, Bruce stood up, and walked out of the room, daiquiri still in hand. 

"Okay," Jason said cheerfully, breaking the uncomfortable silence that settled in the air. Too cheerfully, if Klaus was being honest. "So, were there other horrible things he did that you'd maybe wanna tell us?" 

"Jay!" 

"What?! It'd be therapeutic! We're all orphans here!" 

"Except for me, obviously, because - " 

"You're the blood son, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda." Jason waved a hand. Klaus nearly snorted at the offended expression on the Antichrist's face. "The point is, this'd be like a bonding experience for us. Excluding Dami. But he can join if he wants to." 

"Who are you, and what have you done with Jason Todd?" Tim said. 

"If you really want to," Dick began, reaching across the counter for the bowl. Klaus moved it closer to him. "Thanks, Klaus. Jay, if you really want some bonding experience, maybe we could - "

"Don't." Jason shook his head. "I don't wanna play Monopoly. You suck at Monopoly." 

"I was gonna suggest Never Have I Ever, but if you insist..." 

"Oh, fuck you, Grayson!" 

"That's the trespasser's job, Todd." 

Klaus almost dropped his mocktail. Sweet Jesus, did the demon child just...? 

"Did you just...?" Jason said. "Did he - ?" 

"He did," Tim said. "He _actually did_." 

Klaus broke out of his stupor to coo at the Antichrist. "Aw! You're finally warming up to me, Dami!" 

"Don't call me that! And I am _not_ warming up to you, you filthy, good-for-nothing - " 

"All in favor of Never Have I Ever?" Dick said, effectively cutting off the demon child's tirade. The demon's expression twisted into a scowl. Dick just laughed, and reached over to ruffle his hair, earning a snarl from the demon. "Just pick a non-alcoholic beverage of your choice - not coffee, Timmers, there's a pitcher of iced tea inside the fridge if you don't want a mocktail. And get me a glass of pineapple juice, please!" 

"Get me some iced tea, too, Timbo!" Jason said. 

Tim muttered something under his breath, which sounded a lot like _what am I, your servant?_ , but he still leapt off the stool, and stalked towards the shelves. 

"Love you, too, Timmy!" 

Klaus raised his hand. "Do questions about the "cape business" apply?" 

"Anything, and everything goes, but if you're uncomfortable, just let us know," Dick said. 

" _Danke,_ " Klaus said, as Tim re-appeared carrying two glasses. He placed the pineapple juice beside Dick, slid Jason's iced tea across the counter, and returned to his seat beside Klaus. 

Jason cleared his throat. "I'll start. Never have I ever...set something on fire. Either accidentally or deliberately." 

Klaus sipped at his mocktail. 

"Huh." Jason set down his drink on the counter. "Do tell us what happened, pretty boy." 

Klaus glanced at his audience. They stared back at him with varying degrees of interest. Even the Antichrist leaned forward. 

"Was it accidental, or deliberate?" Tim said. 

"Deliberate." The answer caused a series of 'oohs' from the siblings. Klaus caught' Dick's eye. "One of my brothers - Diego - was being an ass. I set our family portrait on fire, and blamed it on him." Klaus broke eye-contact with Dick to smile at Jason. "You?" 

"He sets warehouses on fire for fun all the time," Dick said. 

Jason clicked his tongue. "Not all the time, Goldie. Besides, I wasn't the one who set my ex's pictures on fire because I found out he had a baby momma - " 

Klaus almost choked on his mocktail. _What?_

"Never have I ever," Tim said, interrupting what was no doubt the start of an argument between Jason, and Dick (Klaus had to pout because they were getting to the good part), "died on the job." 

"Lame," Jason said. He, along with the rest of his brothers, took a sip of their drinks. 

"Can I drink for Ben?" 

Dick's face lit up. "Is he here? Are you two talking again?" 

"No." 

"Drake, your questions aren't exciting." 

"Fine," Tim said. A quick look confirmed Tim was glaring daggers at the Antichrist. "Never have I ever been in a situation where handcuffs were involved. A sexual situation, to be exact." 

"Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne, there are children here!" 

Klaus took a long gulp of his mocktail. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and turned his attention back to the siblings - just in time to see the demon child roll his eyes. 

"I know about BDSM, Richard." 

" _What?!_ " Dick shrieked. 

"The fuck, brat?" Jason sounded flabbergastered. "How'd you even - you're like, what, nine?" 

The Antichrist's nostrils flared. Klaus pushed down the brief flashbacks of a sharp katana, and those horrible, horrible demon eyes. "I'm eleven, for your information. And the tresspasser just took a shot, why aren't you harrassing _him_?" 

In unison, they swiveled around to look at him. Klaus blinked at the sudden onslaught of curious expressions. Think, Klaus, think! "Never have I ever been kicked out of multiple bars in one night...?" 

Tim sipped at his iced tea. Klaus gaped at him. 

"Holy shit, _Timbo_?" Jason also didn't seem like he believed Tim. "For real?" 

Tim's cheeks started to redden. "Conner was being handsy, okay?" 

"Conner?" 

"Superboy," Dick said. 

Klaus nodded. He'll have to ask who Superboy was again later. 

"Is that why...?" Jason trailed off. Tim tapped his fingers on the counter. "Fucking hell, I thought you went to Lyon for a case!" 

"He did," the Antichrist said. "Or at least, it was supposed to be for a case until they decided to abandon the mission altogether." 

… _Jesus_ , was the demon child a stalker, too? 

Tim made a choked noise. Klaus almost pitied him. "How'd you - wait, don't tell me. I don't wanna know how _you_ know, you stalker - " 

"Never have I ever," Dick said, ignoring the twin glares Tim, and the Antichrist shot his way, "watched a movie that was basically porn." 

Klaus' fingers loosened around his mocktail. He glanced at Dick. "Like, Fifty Shades of Gray?" 

Dick's eyes widened. "No - " 

"You dare mention that piece of trash in my presence?!" 

"He didn't mean to, Jay!" 

"Why the hell did you take a shot, brat?" 

Klaus glanced at the Antichrist. 

The Antichrist set down his frozen hot chocolate. "Richard left that movie on pause at his apartment once." 

_Jesus fuck._

"Holy shit, Dickiebird, could you be any more irresponsible?!" 

"How was I supposed to know he was gonna visit?! Besides, he already knows about BDSM, doesn't he?" 

"Never have I ever," Tim said loudly (Klaus inwardly sent a mental thank you to someone up there), "slept with a stuffed toy. Or a plushie. Of any variant." 

Dick, and Jason fell silent to take a sip of their drinks. Klaus did the same. After a few seconds, he opened his mouth to ask the next Never Have I Ever question, but Jason didn't seem to be done. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there's something our youngest brother has been keeping from us." 

Klaus stared at the demon child from over the rim of his mocktail. His scowl really did remind him of Five. 

"Silence, Todd." 

But Jason ignored him. Or pretended not to hear him. "Ain't we supposed to be telling the truth here? Those are the rules, right?" 

"No way," Tim said. "You have a plushie?" He pointed his iced tea at the demon's direction. _"You?"_

"Not just any plushie," Jason said. "In fact, Lil' D has a Red Hood plushie which he keeps all to himself. Wouldn't even let get near the thing 'cause he's afraid I might contaminate it. His words, not mine." 

Klaus could see a muscle twitch in the Antichrist's jaw. "You're dead, Todd." 

If Klaus didn't fear for his life, he would've aww'ed at the information Jason had shared. Because maybe Dick was right, and the Antichrist really was a child deep, deep, deep, down, after all. 

"Oh yeah?" Jason crossed his arms over his chest. "Why don't you say that to my face, short stack?" 

The Antichrist's expression darkened. (Sweet Jesus, nevermind; he was a demon through, and through.) 

For one terrifying second, nobody said anything. 

Then the demon child leapt to his feet, and headbutted Jason in the stomach. 

Klaus spilled what's left of his mocktail on the counter. _"Jay!"_

"He's fine," Tim said. 

"How could you say that?!" 

Jason had doubled over, clearly not expecting the headbutt. (To be fair, Klaus was sure nobody else expected it, either.) 

Dick had reached over to wrap his arms around the Antichrist, who was twisting and snarling and overall reminded Klaus of a feral Number Five. 

"Unhand me, Richard!" he screeched. 

"I will if you promise not to kill Jaybird!" 

"Never!" 

In the blink of an eye, the Antichrist had managed to wrestle himself from Dick's grip, grab the empty bowl of potato chips, and chuck it straight at Jason, hitting him square in the face. 

"Ow! What the _fuck_ , demon spawn - " 

"Go to hell, Todd!" 

"So," Tim said, tearing Klaus' attention away from the shitshow that was the demon child attempting to suffocate Jason with the bowl - _Jesus Christ on a cracker_ , the Umbrella Academy might be dysfunctional but Klaus never remembered them being _this_ dysfunctional, "are you reconsidering your decision to join the family yet?"


	14. Chapter 14

Dick nudged his shoulder. "Stopping three robberies on your first night? I'm proud of you." 

Klaus pretended to swoon. "Stop it, you're making me blush." 

"You two are gross," Ben said. 

"But you like it." 

"Never once said I did." 

Klaus sent a dirty look at his brother's direction as he stood up from the sidewalk. "Then you should've known what you were getting into when you gave him your blessing." 

"Blessing?" Dick said when Klaus returned from chucking their empty plastic cups in the nearby trashcan. "For what?" 

"For letting me patrol with you, obviously." 

_"Ta-da!" Klaus stopped in front of Dick - who was looking hot and sexy in his Nightwing costume, he might add._

_"Nice," Dick said. Klaus didn't miss the way those pretty blue eyes lingered on his ass. "Are you going on a date?"_

_"What - _nein!_ It's my sexy superhero outfit. I can't not look fabulous while I take down the bad guys, you know." He smoothed down his dark coat. "The boots are a nice touch, _ja_?" _

_"The eyeliner and the leather pants too, but...sexy superhero outfit?" Dick repeated._

_Klaus nibbled on his bottom lip. "Well, about that." Then he grabbed Dick's arm, and pressed it closer to his chest. "Can I please, please go on patrol with you? I swear I won't bother you when you do your whole sexy bodysuit thing. Cross my heart, and hope to die."_

_"Sexy bodysuit thing?" Ben said._

_"Kicking the bad guys' asses, Ben, Jesus, keep up with the conversation." Klaus turned back to Dick. "Actually, I can't promise I won't bother you, but Netflix aside, there's literally zero things to do in your apartment. Besides, I've been in this dimension for a month, I'm practically a citizen of your dear ol' city. Ben agrees with me."_

_"No, I don't."_

_Klaus rolled his eyes. He didn't have time for his brother's sassiness. He looked at Dick, and let his lower lip jut out into a pout. " _Bitte...?_ " _

_"Alright, alright." Dick's face broke into a smile. "Since you are, technically, a superhero..."_

_Klaus froze as _Herr_ Grayson lifted a hand. His heart thumped against his ribcage. Oh my God, was _Herr_ Grayson going to kiss him? Because Klaus really wouldn't mind a good luck kiss before they left the apartment - _

_"Klaus?" _Verdammt_ , _Herr_ Grayson had only adjusted his collar. "You okay with me calling you Séance while we're on the field?" _

_"I..." Dick stared expectantly back at him. Klaus forced himself to nod. "Why - of course! I'm fine with it! More than fine with it."_

_"Guess it's better than Number Four," Ben said._

_Klaus didn't need to look at him to know Ben was shaking his head. "Exactly."_

_Dick's forehead creased. "What?"_

_"Nothing!" Klaus let go of his arm. "Shall we, Mr Hero?"_

"You're such a goddamn liar, Klaus." 

Klaus stuck his tongue out at him. "Whatever, Ben. I'm here now, aren't I - " 

He almost jumped out of his skin as a figure landed in front of them. 

The figure - a guy, that has to be a guy, nobody has muscles that big except for Luther - straightened up from his crouch. Alarm bells rang in Klaus' head. The guy's aura screamed _bad guy_ , but before Klaus could do anything else, Dick's fingers had wrapped around his wrist. "Don't." 

Klaus gulped, but forced himself to relax. "Okay." 

Mr Bad Guy cleared his throat. "The League has a message for Red Robin." 

Dick's fingers tightened around his wrist. Klaus bit back a whimper. "Red Robin doesn't have any business with the League." 

Mr Bad Guy appeared to not have heard him. "The Demon's Head has specifically requested to meet Red Robin at the Gotham docks." 

"Why?" Klaus blurted out. 

Mr Bad Guy's gaze flickered towards him. His jaw tightened. "That's classified information." 

Klaus tugged his wrist from Dick's grip to hold up his hands. "I'm sorry, but doesn't it seem suspicious that you want Red Robin to meet up with the Demonic Head - whoever or whatever the hell it is - without telling us why? What if the Demonic Head wanted to kidnap him? Why would we let Red Robin meet up with a possible kidnapper, hmm? Or worse, a possible child molester?" 

Dick touched his arm. "Séance, stand down." 

Klaus gave a shrug. "Just saying." 

"What part of _stand down_ don't you understand?" Ben said. 

Klaus ignored him. He stared at Mr Bad Guy. "So? Is your Demonic Head a rapist, or a child molester or…?" he said, waving his hand. "Something else?" 

Mr Bad Guy pulled out a gun. 

"Shit." 

Dick loosened his hold on his arm. "I'll handle him." Mr Bad Guy raised the pistol. "Run." 

Klaus bolted. 

Not a minute later, a shot rang in the air. He skidded to a halt. Oh, _Christ._ His future husband. He can't just leave his future husband to die, can he? _Nein_ , he can't. Moaning inwardly, he turned on his heel, only to smack right into a brick wall - 

The wall grunted. 

"Shit," Ben said from somewhere to his side. 

Klaus subconsciously took a step back. 

Mr Bad Guy looked even menacing up close, with his all-black leather outfit - sorta like Diego in his vigilante get-up, only Diego looked a thousand times sexier and _Gott_ , Klaus was missing his brother already. 

"Kick him in the chest!" Ben called out. 

Mr Bad Guy raised his gun. Klaus lifted his leg to kick him in the chest - 

Mr Bad Guy caught his foot with his free hand. 

Klaus' eyes widened. " _Fuck!_ Ben, I hate you!" 

"How was I supposed to know he was going to do that?!" 

Gritting his teeth, Klaus tugged his foot back. Mr Bad Guy didn't let go. He tugged again. No such luck. "Are… you… _fucking... serious?!_ " he complained. "Let... go of me!" 

As if to spite him, Mr Bad Guy tightened his grip on his foot. _Nein. Nein, nein, nein, nein._ Panic building in his chest, Klaus tugged with all his might - 

The sound of ripping echoed around the street. "My boots! That was a hundred bucks, you asshole!" 

Klaus couldn't help his gasp as Mr Bad Guy - no, _Mr Asshole_ tossed the boot aside. Al-fucking-right, that's _it._ No more Mr Nice Guy - 

"Klaus, duck!" 

A crowbar went flying above Mr Asshole's head, landing with a sickening crunch on - 

_"My boots!"_

"I'm sorry!" Dick cried. "I'll buy you another pair tomorrow!" 

With a growl, Mr Asshole advanced towards Dick. Without hesitation, Klaus jumped on his back, wrapping his arms around his neck. Mr Asshole roared. He tried to pry Klaus' arms from his neck. Klaus held on for dear life, but a particularly violent flail had him dislodging his grip, and land flat on his ass. He quickly scrambled back up just as Mr Asshole turned around. "He's not just a regular bad guy, is he?!" 

"He's from the League!" Dick aimed a punch at Mr Asshole's shoulder, but the asshole didn't even seem to have noticed. 

"The Justice League?" Mr Asshole swung. Klaus jumped out of the way. 

"The League of Assassins!" 

Mr Asshole kicked him in the stomach. Klaus staggered back with a gasp. His eyes watered. 

"Disarm him, Klaus!" Ben called from somewhere to his side. 

"I'm... _trying_!" He straightened up, heaving for air. Mr Asshole lunged forward. Klaus ducked. Dick swept Mr Asshole's legs from underneath him. Mr Asshole went down like a sack of potatoes. "Is that... _huff_...is that like the Justice League?" 

"Opposite end of the spectrum," Dick said. 

"Ah." Klaus nodded. He mustered enough strength to bend down and pluck the gun from Mr Asshole's hand. "They're bad guys." 

"Yep. Hey." Dick reached out to grab his arm. "You okay? You took quite a hit." 

Before Klaus could nod, he spotted a sudden movement from the corner of his eye. Five more figures - no, ten. Fifteen? Twenty? Definitely more than ten. 

As if reading his mind, Dick muttered a curse. "Back-up. Should've expected it when we refused to comply with their demand." 

Klaus groaned, letting his head fall against Dick's shoulder. "Fuuuckkk."


End file.
